Archive for the ‘Conflicted’ Category

Complicated

Posted: June 5, 2012 in Conflicted, Emotional

My feelings = Complicated

My life = Complicated

My story = Complicated

This day = Complicated

There are times when I do not feel like anything is easy, life never is of course. I still would like to think in my heart of hearts I will not always feel this way. I want to be able to tell you I love you, but of course, it is complicated. I am far from simple minded and far from understanding everything and being understood in every way. Some things are just not able to be understood and I am starting to feel like I am one of those things. Emotions everywhere, feelings cannot be contained or made sense of. Everything is scattered and I’ve lost my own way. Everything that once seemed so easily understood, is well just now….complicated.

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I Am Not Your Child

Posted: April 12, 2012 in Conflicted
Tags: , ,

A Kid, I Am NOT!

Everyday I work hard, harder and harder to prove that I can do the everyday tasks I am given. There are moments when I truly don’t feel I’m treated fairly.

It could be that I’m the youngest in my office, but I feel that should not mean that you talk to me as if I’m your child.

One mother is what I have, no more than that.

It’s hard to remind someone older than you that they don’t have the right to talk to you any way they feel like it because, of course, you’re the disrespectful one when you tell them you don’t appreciate the way they address you. SMH

How do you tell someone kindly “Don’t take your problems out on me and go the other way with your disrespectful and bad attitude”?

This, I’m still trying to figure out; however, at this point I just try to refrain from going off like I would any other person.

I know when I do sit down and talk to her, I will start off by saying “I am not your child.”

Confliction With Conviction

Posted: November 8, 2010 in Conflicted
Tags: , ,

There are times when you can’t shake the feeling…

You’ve gotten to the point where you have reached a crossroads, and this crossroad you have to go right or left.

To the right, are the things you’re not even supposed to touch; however, as tempting as they are and with the knowledge you posses of them, you still consider it.

To the left, are the things that have been intentionally set aside for you and are what you should want and have; however, they are not as tempting as the things to the right.

These things can be anything from the wrong guy, the wrong job, the wrong path.

Either way, going to the right is always the way we go. It’s a lonely path and we choose to take it anyway.

We’d all like to believe that we’ve learned from going down this path before…look where you are now. Is anything going the way it should?

So take your pick….

Right

or

Left

Time…

So many people demand it from us. If we seem as if we don’t have time, we’re the “bad guys”. We’re seen as the people that don’t care; people with an underlying motive. We can never really be “busy” because we apparently have so much time. This time we have can’t be taken and used by the one person that really needs it…US!! LOL I need my time for me, not catering to your every need and demand. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying that I don’t want to be there when you need me; just know that I do need to take a step back for me every now and then so that I can Relax, Relate, & Release 🙂

Space…

Everyone is always trying to find a way to make your space smaller. There are times when people really don’t understand “I just want to be alone.” It’s not that we are trying to get away from you, but EVERYONE!! LOL Everyone needs to have some alone time, whether it’s to collect thoughts or sleep…it’s needed. Sometimes even when we have agreed to share our space, there is still necessary times we need to hide. Hide from the world mainly because it’s always passing judgement and hide from the things that we don’t want to face. Either way, we need the space to do so.

The Between…

It feels that when your time and space are taking by someone, so is everything that falls in between that. Think of something that people want from you other than your time and space and it all falls here. Your mind, your body, your heart, your life. You’re so torn, you don’t know which direction to follow. You can never sit still peacefully because there’s always someone fighting for it. Some fight harder and some give up, it all wears you down and now you’re making rash decisions with no fore thought.

You blame the person(s) that bring all of the back and forth upon you, but in actuality…you can’t. You didn’t demand from them what they are demanding from you, assuming that they’d get the picture. LOL NO ONE will ever understand the picture you paint, even when you tell them the interpretation.

So what will you allow someone to take next??? It’s time for you to be in control.