Crying – Not An Option

Crying has never been a real option for me. When I came home for the first time crying because the kids at school were teasing me and calling me names, my mom told me to “toughen up”. She said, “If you ever came home crying again because some kids were teasing you, I’ll give you something real to cry about!” To her, crying was showing that you’re weak and gave people a reason to continue to mess with you. So, of course, I never came home crying again.

Time went on and I’m older now, but I still find that crying is and never will be an option for me. I keep on thinking, “I don’t want anybody to think I’m weak, or less than who I am.” It’s the hardest thing in the world to do: be tough for everyone around you. I struggle more than most, just because I feel I can’t show hurt or pain…at least not on my face. It’s like this innate feeling and thought that “no one will like me or look at me the same if I shed a tear.” I can’t help but to feel it. So I don’t cry, and try my best to never let anyone see me cry; not even my mom.

Crying, for me, is not an option